Want to explode? Everyone annoying you? Is it time for them to buck up or is there anything within your control?
Things are not going your way and everyone seems in the way! We have all had days like this. The interesting thing is that we have zero control of what others say or do. Influence maybe but losing our temper will definitely not help. Sometimes anger can be appropriate or even necessary but can we manage and harness this emotion to provide a more productive outcome?
The first step when we are overwhelmed by this strong emotion is to stop and check in with ourselves. It only takes a few seconds. One of the reasons we are reluctant to do this is that these feelings are uncomfortable. Anger can be a hot and rising sensation from within the body and we don't want to feel any discomfort so we try to throw these uncomfortable feelings away. Can you imagine a child throwing food or toys around. It's a little bit like that but instead of throwing furniture around or the office chair (well hopefully not) we might throw a sharp comment or an email that could cause hurt of offence. These kind of actions can cause resentment and damage relationships, communication and connection in a team which can impair the overall organisation.
Stopping and checking in allows us to fully recognise and acknowledge how we are feeling. With regular practice these feelings can be tempered. The arousal reduced and perspective returns. The challenge can be approached, understood and more likely to be resolved.
Step two means we can now "Respond". That's right! The knee jerk reaction can make things worse but now we can respond in a way that is considered, reflective and more likely to solve the issue. Having taken the time in step one above we may even find ourselves capable of understanding where the other person is coming from. We can work together in a more emphatic way to find resolution.
Remember a time
Do you remember a time when you lost your temper? Did it help the situation? Think of a time that you managed to stay calm and focused on the outcome. Did a solution come out of this way of addressing the challenge?
Practice Makes Perfect
Explore this moment without changing anything
At iMind Training we spend time learning how to explore some of our difficult experiences within a calm and supportive mindful practice. This practice is key to bringing a gentle, calm and patient resilience into everyday situations. Without this practice we continue to fly off the handle at the slightest trigger when the pressure gets tough. The science is there. The evidence shows it works so give it a go and see for yourself. Over time it becomes interesting exploratory work as you can try it out in the simplest of situations such as a queue that seems to be going nowhere and then with stronger triggers in your life, such as that bossy colleague in the office.
Make it a Regular Practice
Neuroscientists' studies show that the amygdala actually shrinks with a daily meditation practice. Yes! That's the part that grows when we feel fear. Shrink that almond shaped part of the brain down and watch your reactivity decrease. This will support your ability to stay calm when you encounter more stressful situations in life. Practice pausing and noticing how you are at intervals during the day. Choose times when you are not stuck in particularly stressful situations to begin with.
Each time you do this it strengthens your capacity to face more challenging scenarios with equanimity and resilience.
It is simple.
It just takes practice.
Good Luck!
Contact us at info@imindtraining.com for workshops and courses in Mindfulness and Stress Reduction